Overwelmed with future obligations and responsibilities!!

I have been so emotional lately. I am so worried about my financial situation. This is the longest I have ever went without a job, I am so worried about how I am going to pay my bills, I have to renew my registration on my car in December, which poses the biggest worry....how am I going to make X-mas happen for my kids this year???? Since I got sober, money hasn't really been an issue for me, in fact I found that I budget money so well I've become obsessed with it, it's an addiction in itself for me. In my active addiction I always had a job, not to mention the other things I did to make money that were illegal and I barely made it by. I never had nice things like I do now and I most definatly stayed clear of banks and saving money. I am 31 and the first checking account I've ever had I started 3 yrs ago, its not because I didn't have the money to do it I just stayed away from things like that. I know myself pretty well and I knew I wasn't responsible enough to have a checking account back then. Its sounds weird I know. I am so worried about my money situation and the economy right now its to the point I start crying about it and then go down to my parents basement and hide so I can unleash my emotions. Whenever I am upset I do things like clean and hide so no one sees me in an emotional wreck and I don't get embarraced. Needless to say, my parents basement is CLEAN AND ORGANIZED! Even with a broken back, I did it. It took a couple days and Star and Ash had to help me move the bigger things, but I swept and made it look nice, I even washed Drew's sheets and made his bed perfectly because after all the dust settled from sweeping I felt guilty and didn't want him climbing into a dirty dust filled bed. I don't know maybe I just did it all so I could prove to myself that I am able to work and now its time for me to start looking for a job. I must admit doing all that work downstairs really wasn't the best idea because I was in pain, it exhasted me. My previous job was a desk clerk at a motel, so I know for a fact if I could find someone to hire me in a position like that it would be perfect. I have 2yrs of experience and my worries would be over! I feel so lazy, I just want a job, how am I going to take care of my family? I paid my bills up to December with the grant money I got for school like all students do, the only bills I have to pay are my phone bill. The car payment goes to my parents and I still owe them for this laptop. I feel incredibly guilty for not keeping up with all that. I have half of the grant and scholarship money left but I am saving it in case I have to pay it back. Thats another worry, although I have a medical withdrawl from school, I haven't got any response from the dean about it and what comes next, mainly my big #1 question is do I have to pay the $3,000 back to finacial aid???? If so I won't be starting my next semester because I will be working to pay that back so I can start back up, not to mention all my other bills, I am overwelmed with all these thoughts and questions, and the thought of Christmas coming.... I gotta go down to the basement for a while and hide.